This is not a long post, it's more to shine a light on a very under rated movie.
I stumbled upon this rare gem while searching Wikipedia. Of course.
It was the summer of 2008. I had just finished watching May - another great indie horror film - and wanted to look up the cast and crew. The director's (Lucky Mckee) name rang a bell but upon further inspection, none of his films did. But the poster of a redheaded schoolgirl circa 1960 with a blurry background caught my attention. Then Patricia Clarkson and Bruce Campbell's names came into focus. I had to buy that movie!
The Woods tells the story of Heather, who is dropped off at a boarding school tucked away in a thick and lavish forest. She is immediately ostricized by the other girls because of her red hair (firecrotch) and because she befriended the school's most bullied girl.
In one brilliant scene, using Leslie Gore's "You don't own me", we witness the beginning of Heather and Marcy's friendship. They stick togheter as the other girls vanish from their beds at night, only to be replaced by leaves.
Heather suspects witchcraft.
The ending is not surprising but it's not meant to be either. Unlike many horror films of our time, this one focuses on the character's devellopment, not on superficial tricks that lead to a twist ending (although those are good too when well done)
Overall, this movie pretty much kicks ass. There's a hilarious scene in which Heather mocks one of the teachers and the soundtrack fits brilliantly well with the actions on screen. Patricia Clarkson really stands out as the mysterious headmistress Mrs. Traverse.
Watch the trailer and then I dare you to not be tempted to watch it.
So while I was rummaging through the Blogs of Note, I stumbled upon a very artsy blog titled The Nearsighted Owl. And she has lists too!! YAY!! To fill my sick day with joy and fun, I decided to complete one of her lists "A-Z's of me".
You can do the same and repost the results in the comment feed below!! Best believe I will check it out!!
A. Age: 25 B. Bed size: Queen. But it doesn't scream "Off with her head" or sing weirdsongs about bicycles C. Chore that you hate: Doing the dishes. Once started I can't stop but It can take a few days for me to actually get off my ass and clean it. D. Dogs: I had dogs my ENTIRE life and remember them all fondly but Fluffy, Chance, Trish, Bellatrix, and Inana (oh and now Thomas) will forever be in my heart. There is nothing like the love of your animal to cheer you up. Man, now I wanna go to the parental unit to see Nana :| E. Essential start to your day: Making the bed. First thing I do when I get up is grab the blanket, raise it over the bed and drop it ever so perfectly over my matress. And then the quickest shower one can imagine before I am sprinting to the bus stop because i'm like that. I wake up 20 minutes before the bus comes. :) F. Favourite color: I like rich colours. Wine Bottle Green**, Plum, Mustard Yellow. Chocolate Brown. Ya know, food colours. G. Gold or Silver: I have no use for either since I don't wear watches, bracelets or chains. But Gold is gawdy so i'll say Silver. Also there is Narnia book called The Silver Chair. H. Height:I DON'T KNOW!!! I. Instruments you play: I play played the Tenor Flute, Trumpet, and Clarinet. I was am a music geek :) J. Job title: I don't know the title in english but it's essentially making sure all documents are received and processed electronically at the University of Ottawa'sfinancial aid office. It's quite fun! K. Kids: Um. no. I love my nieces and my friends kid on an hourly basis. Idk, kids are too...unpredictable for me. LOL L. Live: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada. It's so nice, you got the countryside 15 minutes away and the nation's capital 15 minutes the other way! M. Mother’s name: Jocelyne
My mom and grand-mother :)
N. Nicknames: Kev, which is more a shortening of my name not a nickname. O. Overnight hospital stays: No, not yet luckily! P. Pet peeves: So many. It's a flaw. People who don't put their clickers, tardiness, interuptions, etc... Q. Quote from a movie: " Look, Kenny, I know you're about fifty pounds overweight, but when I say hurry, please interpret that as MOVE YOUR FAT TUB OF LARD ASS NOW!" - Gale Weathers R. Right or left handed: Right handed! S. Siblings: Two, sister and brother. T. Time you wake up: Way too fuckin' early! U. Underwear: most of the time. V. Vegetable you hate: SPECIFICALLY hate cooked mushrooms. beurk! W. What makes you run late: If the alarm is somehow destroyed by robots in the night. Or if the buses suddenly dissapear from our world. Or even little tiny dusk ducks stealing my keys. Other then that, i'm good to go! X. X-Rays you’ve had: When I pulled all of my ligaments in my feet :( :( That hurt like hell and I had to drag myself across a street because I couldn't walk and cellphones didn't exist.
Back then: FML!!
now: LMFAO!! Y. Yummy food that you make: I wouldn't say Yummy, because I associate that with sweets and I can't bake for shit. But my broccoli quiche with a mashed potatoe crust is really insane. MMM. Z. Zoo animal: Elephants ♥ - I friggin love 'em! Proof:
And those are just a few elephants hiding about my appartment.
**The traditional colours used for wine bottles are:
Bordeaux: dark green for reds, light green for dry whites, clear for sweet whites.
Burgundy and the Rhone: dark green.
Mosel and Alsace: dark to medium green, although some producers have traditionally used amber.
Rhine: amber, although some producers have traditionally used green.
Champagne: Usually dark to medium green. Rosé champagnes are usually a colorless or green.
I'm running as fast as my legs will let me. My yellow cardigan is drenched with sweat and my jeans feel heavy on my hips. I make it around the bend and stop. From the corner of El Taho street, I notice the front door of my house is off its hinges and resting lazily against the busted frame.
My heart sinks and I feel the warm, dry bile forming in my throat. I fall to my knees and vomit whatever it is that came back up. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Zombies don't exist.
I get to me feet and see someone stumble out of my house. Her gray hair is untucked and tangled and even from here I can notice her beautiful skin peeling off her face. Grams struggles to stay on her two feet, she trips in the steps and falls on her face.
I sneak around the Carter's house and try the car doors. They're locked. I try to force the image of Grams out of my mind. I need to get out of here! I desperately attempt to break into the car but my measly strenght can't even help me smash a window. I check over the hood of the car and see nobody safe Grams on the ground.
"Fuck..." I finally let out my anxiety through one little word. I crawl back around the car and find a tire iron in front of the garage door. I pick it up, jump to my feet and swing the tire iron at the driver's side window, shaterring it to a thousand little jagged pieces. Before I even unlock the door from the inside, there comes a blaring sound. Car alarm.
I look around and see half a dozen zombies, some coming at me faster then others. They're decaying at different rates, I notice. No time for observation, I need to get out here fast!
I unlock the door, slide inside the car and search frantically for a set of shiny keys. The alarm is so loud, I can barely concentrate on searching for the keys.
"Come on, come on."
My hair keeps falling in my face, obstructing my view. I reach inside my jean pocket, pull out a bright pink elastic and tie my bushy brown hair back into a ponytail. There. I resume my search and scream when I feel cold hands on my shoulder. I jerk up swinging the tire iron inside the car and see Felix Holloway, standing outside the window.
His eyes express a deep sadness; bloodshot, puffy around the lids. I look past him and am amazed to see more of the walking dead coming towards the car. The sound of the alarm.
"Get in the car!!" I yell, hitting the steering wheel. I'm scared. Felix doesn't move, just keeps staring at me. I swear again and step out of the brand new Mazda3. Felix still doesn't move. I grab him by the hand and pull him towards the passenger side door and tell him again to get in the car. This time he does.
I get back inside the car and finally find a spare key hidden in the glovebox. I stick it inside the ignition and the car starts with a low rumble. The alarm stops and I shift the gear in reverse. The green Mazda3 pulls out of the driveway and then I shift into drive and zoom down the street.
I don't look around, I don't talk to Felix, I do nothing but drive, drive as fast as I can. As the city floats around me, I think back to this morning. This morning.
"She's dead." Felix whispers into the window. It pulls me out of my thoughts and I look at him. I pull over on Kennedy Boulevard. Silence reigns inside the family car.
"Who's dead, Felix?"
He looks at me as if noticing i'm there for the first time, noticing his surroundings for the first time.
"Annabelle. She was...she was coming at me." He says before losing control of his emotions. Deep sobs came and went for nearly twenty minutes. I couldn't say anything or do anything and it was probably for the best.
We drove around town all night, seeing nothing but rotting corpses walking around aimlessly. In a matter of hours, Del Rio relinquished life. And somehow my parents are involved in all of this. David was right. I decide to leave my home, leave behind everything I know and head to Houston. 10 miles out and the radio begins to fade to a static noise.
"Mom!" Victoria screams, shaking her mother who is passed out on the couch. Several beer cans lie scattered around the sofa. The door leading to the basement is shaking violently and it seems like the lock won't hold much longer. Christian Crow is behind the rattling door, but he isn't Victoria's father anymore.
When she went down to bring him his coffee, Victoria had found her dad slumped over his train set. Blood was dripping down his mouth and the skin around his eyes was striped black.
"Dad..." the word barely came out of her mouth when Christian shot back up, a dead look in his gaze. A yellowish ooze coated his eyes and something evil and sinister looked back at Victoria. She dropped the mug and it shattered loudly in the restricted space.
Christian lunged forward, grabbing Victoria's neck. She kicked her father's genitals but he didn't react. His grip only got stronger and Victoria was beginning to feel faint. She searched blindly around her for anything until she finally grabbed onto something hard. A piece from his train set. She smacked her father across the face and his hands finally loosened. She struck again.
Air finally found Victoria's lungs. She swung the train across her father's face once more and ran up the stairs. He was just behind her, emitting low growls. Her heart was pounding inside her chest, threatening to break her ribcage at any moment.
She shot past the door, swung around, slammed the door shut and locked it.
"Mom, please! WAKE UP!" Victoria slapped her mom across the face and Sally Crow's eyes shot open. They had the same distinct ooze as her father's eyes had. All at the same time, Christian broke through the door and Sally snapped her jaw around her daughter's shoulder.
"AHHHHH!" Victoria fell back and crawled towards the fireplace. Her lungs burned and she was suddenly struck with an intense headache. Her shaking hand reached for her throbbing shoulder. Blood.
Victoria grabbed the coal pick and without hesitating struck it through her father's eye. His body twitched as she pulled the pick out and he slumped towards the floor. Her mother's jaw was snapping wildly and she moved quickly around the room, knocking over furniture as if it was light as air.
The room itself spun around Victoria, the wound on her shoulder throbbing all the way up her neck. Sally Crow leaped over the coffee table and Victoria swung the coal pick sideways, impaling her mother. She dropped the pick and let out a chill-inducing scream.
She stumbled out of the back door, shaking like a leaf. She was confused and rattled, her mind playing tricks on her. Victoria could barely stand on her two feet and she had a sudden hunger so deep that it pained her. Spinning and spinning, everything spun around her. She tripped over herself and fell through the bushes...
There's a few movies coming out later this year and into 2012 that have caught my attention and I thought I'd share them with y'all. Enjoy!
10. In Time
Release Date: October 28th, 2011 Starring: Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, Cillian Murphy, Olivia Wylde Directed by: Andrew Niccol Why the Buzz?: The preview is insane. In the future, people age no older then 25 and you must buy time to stay alive, creating a rift between the poor and the rich since the latter can buy eternally. The premise is really interesting and the cast if very diverse. I mean, Johnny Galeki is in this movie.
9. 50/50
Release Date: September 30th, 2011 Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen, Anna Kendrick, Bryce Dallas Howard Directed by: Jonathan Levine Why the Buzz?: I've never seen a comedy so blatantly centered around someone living with cancer. I'm a huge fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and this isn't the only movie of his on this list. Originally titled I'm with Cancer, they switched it to 50/50, which is suppose to reference the chance of survival. Hopefully it will remain tasteful even within the humour.
8. Take Shelter
Release Date: September 30th, 2011 Starring: Michael Shannon, Jessica Chastain Directed by: Jeff Nichols Why the Buzz?: I love apocalyptic movies that are more human (last night) rather then being about the effects (2012). Take Shelter is about a father who has weird visions and hallucinations hinting to a possible apocalypse and he sees to protecting his family but the questions is raised: do they need protection against him?
7. The Thing
Release Date: October 14th, 2011 Starring: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton Directed by: Matthijs Van Heijningen Why the Buzz?: This is not a remake! It is a prequel to John Carpenter's 1982 film. It takes place a couple of days before the events of the first one and tells the tale of the scientists who originally discovered the alien species. What I love about Stephen King's novels is that minor characters in one story can become major characters in others and this is what this prequel is doing. Taking the mention of the first crew in the original movie and telling their story in the prequel. Awesomeness.
6. Bond 23
Release Date: November 9th, 2012
Starring: Daniel Craig, Ralph Fiennes, Javier Bardem, Judi Dench
Directed by: Sam Mendes (?!)
Why the Buzz?: Daniel Craig really managed to own the part of James Bond and eventually changed the entire notion what a James Bond movie could and should be. Daring, gritty, and action-packed. The casting is amazing and it is rumoured to be filmed in the Middle East. Although I am surprised that Sam Mendes is directing - mainly because he usually does thought-provoking films - I'm excited to see what he will do with this project that has yet to begin pre-production. It's rumoured to be titled "The Property of a Lady" as seen in this promotional shot.
5. The Avengers
Release Date: May 4th, 2012
Starring: Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlet Johansson, Chris Hemsworth, Samuel L. Jackson
Directed by: Joss Whedon (!!!!!!!)
Why the Buzz?: Because Joss Whedon is directing. Because this is the first time that so many movie characters have merged into one single film. Because Scarlet Johansson will be wearing the black suit again.
4. Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol
Release Date: December 21th, 2011
Starring: Tom Cruise, Ving Rhames, Jeremy Renner, Josh Holloway, Simon Pegg, Paula Patton
Directed by: Brad Bird
Why the Buzz: Um...it's a Mission: Impossible movie. Although not a fan of Tom Cruise, his character of Ethan Hunt is actually quite entertaining. The movies have always boasted an all-star cast and pull off some pretty amazing stunts with an actual storyline to back it up. And did y'all see the preview???
3. The Dark Knight Rises
Release Date: July 20th, 2012
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Anne Hathaway
Directed by: Cristopher Nolan
Why the Buzz? They are bringing back Catwoman which can be tricky since almost everyone I know still associates the role with Michelle Pfeiffer who, let's face it, will always be the best Catwoman. But besides that, this is the ending to Nolan's dark and tragic trilogy that redefined the comic book movie genre. I'm so stoked to see this!!
2. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
Release Date: December 16th, 2011
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Noomi Rapace, Stephen Fry, Rachel McAdams
Directed by: Guy Ritchie
Why the Buzz?: I did not enjoy the previous installment but am somewhat anticipating this one, mainly because of Noomi Rapace who I fell in love with after watching her performance as Lisbeth in the Millenium trilogy. Seeing her act opposite Robert Downey Jr. is reason enough to watch this sequel. I just hope Jude Law does something different. Drastically different.
1. Battleship
Release Date: May 18th, 2012
Starring: Liam Neeson, Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker
Directed by: Peter Berg
Why the Buzz?: Battleship follows along the same line as Transformers and G.I. Joe in bringing figurines to life. When I first heard about this project I was like..."riiiight, a movie about Battleship? hahaha" and then the plot came and then the casting and this summer, a trailer was released. This is deffo a summer action flick and it doesn't seem to deny it. They even casted Rihanna as a sailor. This will be awesome.
We all have that song, that movie, that book, that show that we love but never mention it to another soul for fear of pointing and laughing. Guilty Pleasures should never be revealed. Unless you have a blog. Then you make fun of yourself!!
On trial for loving a teeny bopper love song. Here's the evidence:
1. I search the song on my pre-programmed channels upon entering my car
2. I catch myself singing the catchy chorus at work
3. The culprit is --May make you want to hit repepepepeat--:
On trial for reading and appreciating chick-lit. Here's the evidence:
I didn't even look at Grams as I ran up the front steps and crashed into the house. I could hear her calling out my name but I couldn't take the time to answer her. I couldn't. I had to speak with David. I toss the still warm copy of the article linking my parents with Drake Foods. David was right.
I slip on my navy blue trench and a pair of rain boots and head back outside. Grams insists I take the cellphone with me and I agree. Better have it with me anyway. I rush back inside, shove my hand in the wicker basket and retrieve the only piece of recent technology we own.
Grams informs me that I shouldn't be tardy tonight because grandpa is coming back home early from the business trip to Tokyo.
"I'm just going to see David, It shouldn't be long" I kiss her on the cheek and when I straighten up I see her frowning at me, the way she often does when struck with worry.
"Please don't be late, Charlie."
I smile and leave Grams alone on her veranda, rocking back and forth, back and forth.
The sun is setting behind me, casting eerie shadows amongst the trees that line David's street. I find myself checking back to see if I am being followed because for some reason, I have the distinct feeling of being watched. Shivers run up my spine the moment I hear the bushes rattle to my left. I drop the loose papers just as Victoria Crow leaps out onto the dimly lit street. A deep, saturated fear twists her face into an almost unrecognizable mask.
"Victoria" I whisper and grab her just as she begins to fall.
She's shaking, trying to speak. I can see the beginning of a word form on her lips and then she goes out. I look around to find the street deserted. Panicked, I'm about to scream when I remember the cellphone. I search through my pink backpack and grab the phone.
Victoria begins to open her eyes.
I'm about to call the police.
And then my phone rings.
Everything happened so quickly. Grams is screaming on the other end of the line. Victoria is on top of me and I can barely manage to keep her from clawing my face off. The phone falls from my hands and I hear Grams pleading for help as I am struggling to stay alive.
Victoria's face is contorted with some primal anger. Her lips are cracked and pulled back, her normally white rows of teeth are now brownish and decaying. She is rotting before my eyes. The unworked muscles in my arms begin to ache as Victoria violently attempts to rip me to shreads. Something hollow lingers in her eyes and as I kick her to the side, she opens her mouth wide and goes for my neck.
I roll to my right and feel something grab onto my trenchcoat. It's nothing I can't sacrifice. Victoria slowly begins to crawl back onto me just as I wiggle myself out of the coat and jump to my feet. I can barely catch my breath. My heart pumps fast and my lungs burn with every breath I take.
I linger in the street for a moment, looking down at Victoria Crow. In a matter of seconds, she mutated into something else, something wicked. There's a thick yellow coat over her eyes and from the inside of her brow, black veins extend outwards, creating a pattern not that different from zebras. Her fake tan that I despised is gone, replaced with a thin almost translucent skin. Although she still posseses strength, Victoria is slowing down as hell. I walk back a few feet and notice the smashed cellphone. Grams!
I turn and run down the street. I can't contain myself any longer. I start to cry. Because somehow I understand what is going on. The way Grams acted weird this morning about the apple juice. Her worried look before I left. Grandpa coming back early from the trip.
The closures.
The animal testing.
The decaying cows.
Victoria Crow.
As I run as fast as I can back home, the word forms in my mind before it ever leaves my mouth in a soft whisper:
People are doing awesome things with the help of the "INTERNET" - cue scary music. I found some rather hilarious, and sometime well crafted, parodies of songs using Harry Potter as the theme. OMG, enjoy!
Gotta love Harry Potter!! Which one was your favourite??? These are only a few of the clever parodies out there. Don't forgetPottermore officially begins in less then 2 months!!!!!! YYEEAAHH!!
The year is 2001. The date, September 11th. It's early in the morning and i'm getting ready for school. I'm 15 years old and I just began my fourth year of secondary school.
I'm taking a seat next to my friend Jess in history class. We talk about everything and anything while my teacher gets ready for the lesson. I'm on the verge of getting my first part-time job. Unknown to me then, I will soon start dating my sister's friend, I will fail that history class, and the world is a safe and secure place. We have learned in history class that wars and conflicts have been laid to rest for over a decade. Nothing could prepare me for the news that we were soon about to hear.
Our teacher excuses himself for few minutes and returns with a TV set. Smartphones and Social Networks did not exist yet, and news was slow to reach us. He finally returns, turns on the television and tells us, in a tone I will always remember that the United States of America was under attack. Sadness, incomprehension. Something tore away at him. He plugged the television and turned the rolling tower, with the TV perched on top, towards the class and showed us the images of the first tower burning.
I didn't know what terrorrism was. I never heard of Twin Towers or the World Trade Center. The images frightened me. We couldn't speak, I barely heard a gasp, a breath, a yawn. All of our eyes were glued to the screen and that's when the second plane hit the south tower. People began crying. Out of fear? Possibly; we didn't know what was going on. Teachers were called for a special meeting and our history prof left us with the images of a dark and gloomy New-York City.
When he returned, he shut off the television and told us the teachers were instructed not to show us any more images and procede with class.
At break, the hallways were buzzing with the latest news. My friend Liane informed me that they had evacuated Parliament Hill and all surrounding government buildings, fearing a Canadian attack. I remember being so confused about what was going on. Surely this was not happening, not now, not here.
We were not allowed to leave the school until the end of the day at which point nobody wanted to hang or chill at the park. We all rushed home to see what had unfolded since the morning. What else happened in the world?
I got home, all my family was in the living room, their eyes fixed on the news report from CNN. The pentagon had been struck and a yet unrelated plane crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. President Bush was adressing the people. This was all so surreal.
When I went to bed that night I remember thinking: what will tomorrow bring? All these new words associated with fear had sprung up during the day: Terrorrism, Al-Qaeda, WoMD, Retalliation, War. War?
I manage to fall asleep thinking the world will never be the same again. And it isn't.
*****
It's been ten years since that tragic day. Ten long years have passed since Osama Bin Laden's terrorist attack on American soil. The war is still going and some would even question whether is has anything to do with "retalliation". Conspiracies have sprung up here and there, some going as far as accusing President Bush of orchastrating the entire attack.
Osama Bin Laden is dead, or so they say. New-York has managed to clean up what we have come to know as Ground Zero. We've come a long way, but we still have miles to go. This day reminds me of the time I first feared something. It reminds me that the world is a very fucked up place.
3,051 children lost a parent
2,819 lives were taken
1,609 lost a partner
1 day changed the world
I was 15 years old and expecting a regular, normal history lesson.
Where were you?
Candles burn in memory of everyone affected by terrorism.
Eleven's Ink
What this is about: To unite bloggers (from all sectors) in a joint endeavor to share lessons learned and create a bank of long but not forgotten blog posts that deserve to see the light of day again. Not narcisistic at all!! :P
Procedure:
1) Blogger is nominated to take part
2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.
- Your most beautiful post
– Your most popular post
– Your most controversial post
– Your most helpful post
– A post whose success surprised you
– A post you feel didn’t got the attention it deserved
– The post that you are most proud of
3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.
4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers
5) And so it goes on!
6) The site Trip Base will be sharing the best posts from participating bloggers on their blog and everyday on Facebook and Twitter at #My7Links
HERRREEEE GOOOOES!
Your Most Beautiful Post
This is a few words I wrote about my grand-father, a true inspiration for me. He passed away far too early and I miss him to this day but have nothing but great memories of him. It is in french, my native tongue. Je t'aime grand-papa!
Your Most Popular Post
By far my most popular post is the one about Pittacus Lore, the mysterious Elder from the best-selling novel I Am Number Four. There's nothing particularly revealing about the post but just having the fictitious author's name in the title helped boost that post to the number one spot.
Your Most Controversial Post
This "award" deffo goes to my post about the 2011 Tottenham riots in the U.K. that sparked debate not only online but at work as well. People seem to really rally behind the "bigger picture" idea then the "these are criminals, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS" idea. I was of the latter group.
Your Most Helpful Post
Well, I will admit I am not a self-help guru and this blog is deffo not a place to seek help. But I guess I can say this blog post truly does the job of helping another human being. If said human watches television. :)
A Post Whose Success Surprised You
MySCRE4M review has garnered more page views then I ever thought imagineable, especially since the views have only started to climb recently. It's like: guys... the movie came out 5 months ago. Get over it.
A Post You Feel Didn't Get The Attention It Deserved
Maple Leaf ♥ Part III: Words of Wisdom from a Mad Cow in Alberta. Ok so I was all proud of doing this Canadian tribute thing to singers, movies, books, and all that other fun crap. Part I was a hit. Part II flew up the charts. Part III...was like the black sheep of the family, the ugly cousin you never see, the unheard whisper of a forgotten child. Errbody praised and hooted at the first two children but little thirdzy got a slap in the face and a kick out the door. Seriously, imagine the self-esteem issues you guys have put upon this poor post. Shame on you all!
And I nominate:
Ashlie, who speaks Nonsense with such clarity.
Martin, the comic book guy
Sarah, aCanadian abroad.
Addy, who reminds me what life truly is all about. Family.
Ken, just to see howgrumpy you can be while doing a meme
Wow that was fun! Hope you all enjoy this meme...I still have no clue what meme means but it's fun saying it. MEME!!
Movies from the land up there? Check! Music artists that represent the great white north? Check! Homegrown litterature to make us proud? Coming right up!
Words of Wisdom From a Mad Cow in Alberta
Life of Pi
I could not possibly assemble a list of Canadian books without mentionning this awesome classic by Yann Martel. This story is very much one of hope in times of desperation. Don't be fooled by the critics you have heard, Life of Pi is of course endearing and a great novel but at the core, it's a human story and could happen to anyone. Piscine "Pi" Patel is an Indian boy on a journey with his parents across the ocean. They are joined with some of their zoo animals. Tragedy strikes and the ship goes down. But not all is lost, and Pi is determined to survive. You will cry reading this book. You being everyone.
Maïna
This is a french canadian novel by famed author Dominique Demers, a franco ontarian who devoted her entire litterary career to french novels. I could have chosen any of her other titles and I wouldn't even hesitate. But let's focus on this gem. It tells the tale of a young native american girl residing on the banks of the great river (The fleuve saint-laurent) where adventure and danger comes more naturally to her then picking berries and weaving baskets. On the eve of her "change" (her periods), Maïna decides to flee her tribe and the man her father chose to marry her. But not all will be good for the no-longer-a-child-not-yet-a-woman protagonist. Adventure and danger is what she beckoned so that is what she will get. Here is an excerpt in french:
«Maïna voulait tuer. Planter sa lance et voir mourir avant qu'il fasse brun. Tuer, puis éventrer, éviscérer, écorcher et porter la bête encore chaude jusqu'au camp. Elle avançait à grands pas souples, mue par ce désir immense qui l'habitait tout entière. La veille, des hommes avaient ramené un caribou que l'hiver n'avait pas trop amaigri. Malgré sa grande faim, Maïna avait détourné son regard des entrailles fumantes. Le chef, Mishtenapeu, avait compris que sa fille renonçait à la nourriture afin d'amadouer les esprits avant d'accomplir un geste sacré. Maïna espérait qu'en échange le Manitou lui livrerait une bête.
Elle n'avait pas attendu que le soleil se lève en cherchant sa route dans le brouillard. Elle avait amorcé sa longue marche sous une lune blafarde. Les corbeaux volaient bas et les geais gris n'avaient pas crié. C'était bon signe.
Elle aurait pu chasser avec les hommes. Un passage de caribous avait été découvert dans la neige, des chasseurs épieraient la harde pour tendre une embuscade. Elle aurait pu poser des collets de racines ou attirer des porcs-épics en sifflant, mais Maïna avait laissé les esprits guider ses pas et ils l'avaient conduite ailleurs. La fille de Mishtenapeu avait atteint l'âge des grandes bêtes; toute la tribu savait qu'elle pouvait ramener des lièvres et des lagopèdes, il était temps de revenir avec une prise d'homme. Mais ce ne serait pas un castor, ni un caribou. Maïna suivait un loup.»
Flashforward
This is pure geeenius. Flashforward, by Ottawa's own Robert J. Sawyer, is a science-fiction mystery thriller novel set in the future. Note the book was written in 1999. Scientists (Those evil fuckers!) are doing experiments (there goes the neighbourhood!) and one of the side effects causes the entire human race to lose consciousness for roughly two minutes. Within that state, most of the people have a vision of their life in the future. It is pretty sad. I'm not even gonna deny it, this book has a lot of depth to it and makes you truly appreciate what you have. But then it has that very cheesy sci-fi feel to it which makes it a winner. And hey, NBC used the premise of the book for their own show FLASHFORWARD.
Barney's Version
I'm not usually a fan of autobiographys and memoirs and such. I like my fiction. But there was so much hype around this book when the movie came out that I succombed to pressure and bought the darn thing. I was quite surprised by how nutsy and fluid the writing was. And the ending explains soooo much about why the the story seems loopy and contrived. Barney is really funny in a dark, depressing way. He's just breezing through life. I still refuse to watch the movie even though I pictured Paul Giamatti when reading the book because he really does fit the description lol. And it's such a tribute to Canadian cities, you will recognize a lot of places in Montreal!
Oryx and Crake
Dystopian novels are my favourites. I love a story about a similar (or post-apocalyptic) Earth. This one, by famous author Margaret Atwood. It is an odd story about a young man named Snowman who befriends a group of odd creatures in a world that has been destroyed. The story is very dark and the flashbacks to Snowman's childhood is pretty disturbing. But that is what make dystopian novels so good; they don't shy away from the true nature of humans. We are animals.
No other books i've read that are from Canada spring to mind. But I did a quick search of Canadian authors and here are a few novels that seem awesome:
Grams is sitting outside on the rocking chair when I make my way around the bend. She smiles as I approach and I reciprocate the kind gesture. No matter how bad my day was, she always manages to erase all the crap and cheer me right up. Gotta love grams!
"So I can tell by looking at you that you survived your first day at high school." I utter a small grunt. Of course, she continues: "Well, you still have all of your limbs as far as I can tell from up here."
I can't help but laugh as I walk up the creaking stairs that lead to the veranda. Grams is about to get up but I insist she remain seated; her limp has gotten worst and her doctor stated plainly and clearly that Grams was to remain as still as possible. A feat hard to accomplish when talking about Grams.
I took a seat on the matching chair beside her and we simply lingered in the moment as people walked by with their dogs and we guessed what colour car would next appear from El Taho street. Everything David had told me was running wildly inside my head. I just couldn't shake them away. Grams was quiet and happy, I didn't want to pester her with my questions and since we were most likely the only people left on the planet without a computer, I couldn't check out David's speculations.
So I did what I had to.
"I'm just going to go next door for a second" I let grams know and jump off my chair.
I pick up the pace and walk around the white picket fence that separates my house from the Holloway mansion that towers over the rest of the family homes. The walkway is stunning and it humbles me everytime I borrow its path.
I knock three times before the door opens to the one person I wished wasn't home: Annabelle Holloway. The eldest daughter and the biggest bully only second to Victoria Crow. Annabelle and her youngest sister Stephanie used to make my life a living hell. My mother always gushed about them and praised their efforts at school, their community involvment, and other puke-inducing crap. If I had been programmed to stand up for myself, I would smack her down right now.
But instead I smile and manage to utter a few words. " feeelix.hoo..hoome?"
"Loser. HEY FELIX, YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S HERE!"
Annabelle walks away and I let myself inside and close the door behind me. I see Felix in the kitchen and he tells his sister I'm not his girlfriend. I don't know even know why he says it, there's no possible way that Felix Holloway and I would ever be a couple. He's the school's pride and joy while I'm...well, I'm Charlotte Nobody.
He smiles when he finally enters the foyer to greet me. I wonder if it's genuine? Doesn't really matter anyway, I just need to borrow his computer for a few minutes.
"Hey, I know we haven't spoken in a while but I really need to use your computer for a few minutes"
Pretty straightforward. And I managed to say it all without chewing up my words. Felix has that effect on me usually. But since my last awkward declaration of love, I got the message that he would prefer dying over being seen with me in public.
"Yeah. Sure." Oh Felix. A one word kinda guy.
We walk up towards his bedroom and Annabelle shoots me an evil glare. I glare back and - don't ask me why - I stick my tongue out at her. That will be my torture tomorrow at school when Annabelle the sheep tells this to Victoria.
I shrug it off and follow Felix into his bedroom. He points to the computer and then tells me he'll be back in a few minutes. Awkward.
His laptop is pretty neat. I'm kind of a closeted gamer and for having the latest gear, his is massively impressive. I manage to open his account and immediately do a Google search of my parents. Couple from Texas expands in Japan. Terry Olsen and wife become majority shareholder in Pharmaceutical company. Olsen Pharmaceuticals under strict observation after meltdown in Tokyo plants.
Nothing of this strikes me as new. I was already aware of their experimental problems and the results that came from testing their products on animals. Two years ago, someone spray-painted my house and all that did was scare my grand-parents.
I try a new search and explicitly type down everything David told me. A few odd results come up on top but they are mainly from conspiracy websites run by twelve-year old geeks. I sigh. I go to shut off the computer when one search result grabs my attention. And it's from a british newspaper dated several weeks ago. Why hasn't this caused a scandal?
Drake Foods Inc. finalizes deal with Olsen Pharmaceuticals.
My eyes widen and scan the room to see where Felix is at. I don't waste another minute and click on the little icon representing a printer and soon i'm holding the article in my hands. I run down the stairs, thank Felix and fly out the door.
What's the best way to enjoy a day off from work? Going down a list of movies is what! It's no secret I own a lot of movies. I love movies. This is a long list. But it has photos. And links! And videos, some being tributes to trilogies!! Enjoy!!!
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