Wednesday, May 11, 2011

A Date with Disaster

 When I first decided to stop eating La Viande, I had set myself a one-month goal of absolutely no meat consumption, whether it be poultry or red meat.

I passed the one month mark (and then some) when I couldn't resist anymore and ate a crispy chicken sandwich. It tasted like heaven in my mouth. The crispy crackling batter, the warm and soft center, the smell, the spices!! I've had chicken about six or seven times since with no feelings of regret. It didn't make me feel yucky at all.

But then I ventured into unchartered territories last weekend when I stole a piece of breakfast saussage from my friend's branch. He had been grilling the piece of meat over my Birthday Bonfire at a friends house. Since I had just came back from a fruitless walk to a closed Tim Hortons, I was starving - for anything. I stole his saussage bite and it tasted divine. I think I mmm'd for like twenty minutes. That is ten minutes passed the normal drunk mmm's.

So anyhow, that small piece of meat didn't give me any digestive problems. I was like, wow, two + months in and I can still digest meat properly. How lucky am I?!

Apparently, being drunk and chewing a small piece of meat is ok. Then I made the mistake of eating a full blown oktoberfest saussage on the weekend for mother's day. I didn't have to, since I had made a delicious seafood-alfredo pasta but I couldn't resist the barbecued oktoberfest. I started off with half and then proclaimed: "WTF! MORE FOR ME!" and devoured the second half.

Results? (please skip if you have uneasy stomach)

Yup, I puked up my supper in about 45 seconds. As soon as I put my plate in the kitchen sink I knew I was done for it. My stomach was making noises worst then that of Hedley musicians. My heart had risen in my throat like Tommy Lee rises for Pamela. The world spun around me like those evil swings from the County Fair. Everything was falling apart.

Until I vomited and then everything was settled again and I have sworn off red meat for good.

(or at least until next time I am drunk and crave a little weeny tiny bit of meat.)

Candles are out,
Elevens Ink

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